One of the desires of Olivia’s heart comes true. I sit at it – the tall, wooden, newly-blessed-with kitchen table – where I experience joy at her joy. Fresh on my mind the “never forget the small things are just as important as the big things” conversation.
Then grief sneaks up behind, stretches long, icy arms over my head and wraps around me. Again.
While editing my final draft, unexpected tears flow down my checks. Wrenching cramps in my sides.
Unfair. Unexpected. Unwanted.
Lord? I thought I was past this. The hurt, sorrow when I read his words. No longer my husband for almost five years. So why the tears? The pain?
How can old, damaged words that once shredded my heart soar off the computer screen to slice a fresh tear now? It floors me. This book so close to achieving a finished product in my hands. So close to polished, refined, bound.
Yet here I am, falling apart.
I heard Jacobs voice, “The more I try to be what you want me to be, the more I hate you.” A rip in my heart I thought was perfectly sewn and stitched by the Master Surgeon burst open.
The healing process God took me through to write this book – His book – took me places I could never have foreseen. Places that were about Jacob and places that were not. Healing places all the same.
What do I do with this?
Forgive. Again. All I know to do. Forgive the hurting person who hurt me.
Truth is in this statement. Freedom lies within.
When there is hurt, it comes from hurt. We hurt, so we hurt others.
Whether deep hurt from someone who shattered our heart or hurt feelings, our reaction is to react in pain. How we process it is up to us.
Another voice sounds louder in my unwelcomed sorrow. The Voice that reminds me why I forgive – for me.
For Freedom! Forgiveness sets us Free!
©2018 Wina Rushing – All rights reserved.
If you want a glimpse of mine and my daughters’ paths of Forgiveness and Freedom read my first novel Escaping the Knight in Dirty Blue Jeans. Now available in regular and Kindle. Step into Freedom!