“How do you think you’ll feel when you’re sitting in a room full of people that have read the intimate details of your life?”
The questioner knew my private self would encounter my public self once specifics of that life were unveiled.
Exposed. Wide open for all to see…I hesitated. But I was doing it willingly. Without force from anyone or anything.
This time control was mine. Any exploitation or bearing of me came from my own revealing. My own doing. Not the hands of molesters, abusers or people seeking their own self gratification. Fighting their own demons they could not contain.
No longer would I be exposed in a private little world, to a select few. Made to feel I had to cover, protect and lock away the horrible secrets.
A belief crammed down deep that screamed KEEP SILENT because “it” would shame me. “It” was my fault. I caused what happened to me. But I had been deceived, lied to and abused. For so long, on so many levels. I had become a victim. To be exposed in the way they decided and for their pleasures.
No, this time I would not be exploited but expose myself in a manner that did the exact opposite of its former revealing.
Although it is still frightening and requires much faith and truth, it does not produce shame, guilt, unworthiness and fear. Does not create in me monsters hidden away in places so dark I could not see them. I only feel their presence as they lurk inside my being, trying to torment.
Those days were over. A different type of exposure happened. Exposure of everything so deeply hidden. Now left bare. Twisted, raw and open. Guilt, sorrow and weeping loss as I was left with a feeling of barrenness. All the while knowing, somehow, this too shall pass.
Brilliance as colors fill my atmosphere. Darkness seems to have lost its hiding place.
Music no longer a note to sing along with but a vibration through my body as dancing sound surrounds me.
This uncovering brings with it tears and cleansing, beauty from ashes, joy in the mourning and truth that opens eyes to see. It brings forgiveness for the unforgivable, rest for the weary and restores more than what was stolen.
Healing laughter falls freely as things left for dead come back to life. Hills and valley, no longer walked alone. Walls crumbling down and bridges beautifully crossed.
No, now I expose to be set free: Me, You, Them. I expose what our Freedom so openly displays.
©2018 Wina Rushing – All rights reserved.
My first novel Escaping the Knight in Dirty Blue Jeans, exposes our life before and after Domestic Violence. Step into Freedom!